Been feeling a bit ill since I had my second Hepatitis B injection on Wednesday, had some flu like symptoms and have been very tired all the time. Too tired to blog! Slept really badly last night, woke up at 3 AM freezing cold – a new one for me as I’m usually sweating – and dying for the loo too. I popped the loo then actually got into bed – this is also new for me as since January I have slept on top of the bed! It was lovely getting under the duvet, a real treat, but it didn’t last long. Within 30 minutes I was out again, the sweats had returned.
I nearly missed a dose of medication last night, I’d gotten them ready for after my evening meal – also new as I usually eat then get them out – left them next to my drink and ate dinner. I usually take the medication at 9 PM. At 10.30 I tried to put my drink down on the table but it kept wobbling about on the coaster, what’s going on here? I looked, and there was a red, white and blue tablet on the coaster…..woops!
I took them straight away, got myself ready for bed, had a painkiller and my sleeping tablets and got into bed. Slept from 11.15 to about 3 AM, then grabbed a few minutes here and there up till 6.30 when I decided to get up. Feeling pretty frustrated with myself, maybe the crappy sleep was due to the late tablets? Or me worrying that much that I’m waking myself up? Annoyed anyway, not a good way to start your first day of annual leave!
I’ve let Adam have a lie in, I’ve taken the pets out of the bedroom so we are chilling in the living room. Thinking about taking the dog out in a bit, need to find the motivation though. Gave him a brushing earlier to kill some time and he keeps looking at me and making funny noises, bless him. The cat, however, has gone to sleep on the chair.
Had my first counselling session with THT yesterday on Skype, don’t think I was fully prepared for some of the deep questions asked. I felt ok at the start, maybe because it wasn’t face to face, and that I was in my own home, but I soon started to crack. Talking about feelings since diagnosis was hard, very hard, and took me back to those early days last month when I struggled so much, like I still am now. We discussed positive points too, like attending the ‘Beyond Positive Pub Crawl’, writing my blog, telling my family and work, and all the support that is around me. My mind still seems to focus on the negative though, and I was in a pretty low mood by the time the counselling was at an end.
About half an hour after the counselling, my younger brother, James, came over. It was so good to see him, he cheered me right up. We’re both having a bit of a time with mental illness at the moment, and I enjoy the fact we can express ourselves to each other and try to make sense of it all. We had a two hour chat, mainly about mine and his mental states, but also about making lists. James suggests I make a list of little things that I want to accomplish on my week off, they don’t have to be big things, just anything really, just to show myself that I’m not just sitting at home doing the cleaning and then nothing. I’ve been mulling it over this morning and think it’s a good idea. I’ve put down so far to weed the front garden, fix a picture frame that is broken, paint the wall in the bedroom, have a picnic with Adam, and go to Glastonbury next Saturday (booked and paid for) and whilst there, climb the Tor, light my incense and get my crystals out, centre myself and channel some healing energies. Not a bit list, but it’s a start
So glad I’m seeing more of my brothers and my mom, kind of let it all slip when I moved to Wolverhampton. It was hard to travel when I was unemployed but now I don’t really have an excuse, unless I’m just too ill to travel, but that should ease when I’ve been on my medication for a few months, just need to be patient (which is very hard for me at the moment!).
Going to try really hard to enjoy my week off with Adam, he deserves a good break, having to put up with me after working all week! We’ve planned a few excursions and to do some odd jobs around the flat so hopefully I will be able to stay with it mentally and not ruin the break.
Looking forward to spending some quality time with him and the pets, doing something fun, enjoying ourselves, think we both really need it.
Getting to see my old best friend, Lewis, tomorrow which I’m really excited about. Got so much to catch up on, and missed him so much over the past two years. Not too sure where we will be going, suppose it depends on the weather, but it’s the spending time with him that counts, not the venue. Adam is off out tomorrow evening for a dinner party at a friend’s house which will be nice for him, gives him some time away from me, and he gets to dress up for canapés and cocktails
Well, I suppose I should take the dog for his morning walkies, he’s very restless.
Until next time,
DathomirDan.
Thanks for reading
Diagnosis Blues 